


Easier

by fandomfreak20



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Blood and Injury, Other, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-15 22:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5803546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomfreak20/pseuds/fandomfreak20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's the point of being the Chosen when no one appreciates you? Why continue living when your life is just one big joke?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Easier

**Author's Note:**

> Do not read if suicide triggers you, you have been warned!

I wasn't supposed to care about these strangers. Never once had it crossed my mind that when I took on this job for the Cruxis angels, I would actually come tolike the group. There's one that I like more than the others, except, I'm not sure if he trusts me too much. I mean, who would trust me? After all, I am going to betray them. So why would they? But still, the thought that they don't even seem to care about me, it . . . . stings. It feels like someone is placing a glowing hot rod on my heart, and all that's left is the pain that can be felt. Just like that time when I was a kid, and my mom was dying right before my eyes. When she told me that I should have never have been born, I could feel her words tearing my heart apart. I hated it. I guess it's why I kept my distance from people, became a womanizer, and just stopped caring all together. 

I mean, why should I care? No one seems to care about me, especially not Sheena. She seems to hate me the most out of everyone else. But I don't care about that ninja. No, who I really care about is Lloyd Irving. How will his face look on the day that I turn Colette over to Pronyma? Will he be hurt? Shocked? Or will he be expecting something like that? Although knowing Lloyd, it wouldn't surprise me if he's completely oblivious to my true intentions. Man, sometimes I wish everyone would take my snide comments seriously. That way, maybe they could stop me. 

"What am I sayin'? If they stop me, then Seles won't become the next chosen. I can't let that happen." I slam my curled fist into the desk beside me, lowering my head to the ground. I wasn't expecting things to get so . . . complicated. Why, why did I have to come to care about that group? Why did I have to fall in love with Lloyd? 

I close my eyes, feeling the burn of tears welling up behind them. I can't cry, I won't cry. I'm the Chosen, I'm not supposed to be weak. Besides, what if someone from the group came in and saw me blubbering like a baby? What if Lloyd saw me? Would he care, or would he just walk away? 

For some reason, my eyes land on the scar leading from my upper forearm all the way to my elbow. I inwardly wince at the memory that I would really rather forget. What if I die when I betray the group? Will they have the guts to kill me if it comes down to us fighting? I . . . honestly hope so. It would be much easier to just die, to just fade away into nothingness. 

Would anyone cry for me? Or would they just move on after my death? It's not like I'm even that important to them. 

Suddenly, Lloyd bursting through the door has me snapping my head up, and I immediately slip my glove back over my arm. But not before he catches the scar, though. His chocolate brown eyebrows furrow a bit. 

"Z-Zelos . . . is something wrong?" He questions, slowly shutting the door behind him before fully stepping into my room. Instantly, I shake my head, forcing a smile onto my lips. But I guess my fake smile doesn't look as convincing as it usually does. 

"Nah, bud. I'm fine! Don't worry about me." And just to try to reassure him further, I clap my hand to his shoulder, squeezing it a bit. 

"You're lying. Zelos, just tell me what's wrong." He frowns, and I almost tell him. I almost let slip about how he shouldn't trust me, how I'm going to betray him. But I don't, I don't tell him for Seles's sake. 

"Why care now? You've never bothered to ask me before, so why should it matter?" That came out harsher then intended. But honestly, I just can't bring myself to care anymore. 

"What are you talking about? Of course I-" 

"Oh don't give me that crap. You only came in here because you probably felt obligated too. I don't need a babysitter, Lloyd." I scowl, my bottled up emotions exploding on him. Lloyd gives me an incredulous look. 

"You . . . You really think that's how I feel? Zelos, you're an idiot." Then suddenly, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into him. At first I just stand there, tense, but then he speak. "Zelos, you don't have to hide your emotions. It's okay to cry, you're human. So just cry." 

I don't even know what to say, but apparently, my body does. I wrap my arms around him tightly, closing my eyes just as warm tears begin spilling down my cheeks. My body shivers with pathetic sobs as I cling to the younger man, my gloved fingers curling into his red clothing. "L-Lloyd.." I murmur, burying my head in his shoulder despite his shorter height. 

"It's okay, Zelos. You may not think that anyone cares, but trust me when I say that I do. Zelos, I love you." Those three words cause me to tense up a bit. Does he really mean that? How can Lloyd possibly love a monster like me?

Suddenly, I push him away from me, shaking my head back and forth. "Please, Lloyd. Please don't say that." Of course I had wanted him to say that, but it would only make things even more complicated for me. The younger boy gives me a look that I instantly recognize as hurt. I feel even worse than before. 

"Zelos, but...why?" He questions, voice shaking as he takes another step towards me. 

"Will you just leave me alone!?" I yell, slamming my fist against mattress of my bed. I look away from him, silent. Finally, I hear his footsteps leaving the room, and the click of the door makes me slump my shoulders in defeat. 

I've really fucked it up now. I've pushed away the person that might have cared about me. How stupid is that? I sink down to the floor, knees digging into the carpet as I reach for my dagger, the hiss it makes as I take it out of its sheathe is satisfying to me. When I look into the blade, I'm astonished to see that the reflection of myself isn't what I expected to see. My eyes are bloodshot, the bags under them have grown prominently ever since I've started my travels with the Chosen's group. 

The glint of the blade is tempting to me, and I silently wonder how it would feel if it was put inside my heart. Wait a minute. If I did end myself, then Seles would automatically be titled as Chosen. Then I won't even have to betray the group. That thought makes me grip the handle of the dagger even tighter, and suddenly I'm holding the point of the blade against my chest, right above my heart. 

"C'mon, Zelos. It'll be easy, just one good push and all of this worry will be over. I won't have to hurt Lloyd anymore." 

The next few seconds happen so fast that I don't even have time to contemplate them. I shoved the blade inside my heart, and I can faintly remember a scream leaving someone's lips.

Whether it's mine or not, I won't have a clue. Because after that, everything went dark.

Now life will be easier without the Chosen of Tethe'alla.


End file.
